Some folks have been wondering what your maniacal host looks like, well, I bet you're sorry you asked... that is what I look like, in all my glory. Please do not poke, prod, feed, nor taunt the wildlife. Showtunes scheduled daily at 8am, 12 noon, and 5pm. The actor responds to "Brian", "North", "North Ursalia", "Gummy Bear", "watch it", and "hey you" among others if you need to get his attention. You can email me if you feel an unending sense of need to do so.
CAUTION:Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to the Captain. Do not use the Captain if you have high blood pressure, extreme sensitivity to light, syphillis, gonorrhea, or anything you need penicillan to clear up. The Captain may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. The Captain contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use The Captain on concrete. If the Captain begins to smoke, get away immediately- seek shelter and cover head. The Captain may stick to certain types of skin- the Captain should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration.
Discontinue use of the Captain if any of the following occurs:
Itching
Vertigo
Dizziness
Tingling in extremities
Loss of balance or coordination
Slurred speech
Temporary blindness
Profuse sweating
Heart palpitations
Failure to do so relieves the makers of the Captain, Ravensblade-Impreza, and its parent company Ravensblade.com, of any and all liability.
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